I am supposed to be answering the question “what do you stand for” or “what would you risk your life for.” These are hard questions because as a Christian, I feel like people expect you to answer them a certain way. The answers of standing for my faith or dying for Christ are what I think everyone would expect.
Yet, those are “easy” answers to give simply in a way because of that expectation. They are answers I don’t have to put much thought into because shouldn’t all Christians say that? They're the “right” answers. When people have been imprisoned, tortured, beaten, and killed for their faith, it makes me not want to give a “right” answer when I’m not facing what they are. The expectations of what to say are there though.
In addition there are other expectations in my life. I find it interesting that people have expectations of what a missionary is. They seem to think that missionaries are spiritual or somehow more special than they are. The expectations are not reality. It’s just not true. I am just here trying to do what God has called me to do. I guarantee that I am not doing it perfectly. I am no different from any other Christian, and may very well be less spiritual than you or other Christians. There are days when I question whether I’m hearing God right or if I am making the right decision. I am only human, like everyone else. My failures and flaws are evident for anyone to see.
That being said, I do think that committing to do missions was a step of faith for me. In a way, I did have to stand up for what I believed God was calling me to do. I had to ask for support and tell people God was leading me to do something completely different. Something that may not have made sense. It made me uncomfortable. Is it ever easy to ask for help? Asking people to support me wasn’t easy. There were days I had to stand against the doubt or the uncertainty that I faced. There were days I was discouraged because I wasn’t raising and didn’t end up raising enough. I had to shorten my time here because of that. I definitely had questions, doubts, and uncertainties.
Just because I’m not in Spain, doesn’t mean everything is easy. There have been hard days in the midst of the good. I have learned that just because God calls me to something doesn’t mean I won’t have doubts sometimes. Yet I am grateful for every day that I have here. I don’t know what my future holds. But I believe that God will continue to lead and guide me. He has promised to never leave or forsake us so He will always be with me.
How does this relate to the question: what do I stand for? My answer may not make sense to you. Instead of just giving you a “right” answer, what if we rethink the question and our answers? What if we reframe our thoughts surrounding the question? When I think of standing for something, I think of small steps of obedience and fighting through doubt and fear for what God is calling me to do. Each step of obedience is standing. Standing now may lead to me standing for something bigger in the future. Before Esther went to the king and was willing to sacrifice her life for her people, she had to keep her faith while living in a castle with more luxuries than she’d had before in her life. Before Daniel stood for his faith and was thrown into the lions’ den, he had to stand and publicly practice his faith. He prayed 3 times a day and had done it long enough and consistently enough that the men trying to destroy him knew about it.
What do I stand for? I stand for the small acts of obedience today that may lead to standing for something bigger in the future. Each small act of obedience is one more chance to stand for my faith, even if that act seems insignificant. God sees it and knows. He knows that obeying can take courage even if it’s just a small step forward. Even if it feels like a life of continual small, seemingly insignificant times of standing in obedience, it matters to God. One day, we’ll see how all those small steps of obedience do count. The times we stood when we thought it wasn’t anything important will give us the strength to stand if we ever face something we consider more significant. Even if I never have to stand for my faith the way my brothers and sisters in persecuted countries do, I am still standing and growing and doing what God is calling me to. My hope is that I continue to stand each time God asks me for another step of obedience. In the end, it will lead me closer to Him, and that is what I want. Isn’t that the prize, the goal? To know God more and be with Him for all eternity. That’s why I believe it’s important to rethink the question and give an answer that applies to my everyday life, not something that may or may not happen in the future. I need to stand and obey today so I can know and love God more now.