In a society where the main message being promoted by the world is “love yourself”, “do what makes you happy”, and “pursue comfort”, I have found those messages creeping into the church and even into my own heart. I have seen my mindset shift to think, “God will use me in what I am good at already” and “if it makes me nervous or anxious it must not be from God”. Leslie Ludy refers to these as safety cones. We put up safety cones in our relationship with God and say: “I will go only this far and no further”. “I will serve you in this way but surely you wouldn’t ask me to do that other thing”. But that is not biblical. God requires death to self, to pick up our cross, that in our weakness He is glorified. Full surrender.
Gladys Aylward was a young lady with a calling to go to China. After having applied to a missions sending organisation that could have supported her trip to China, she was rejected by the mission because of her inability to progress in learning the Chinese language. So she sold her best pair of shoes and saved every bit of money that she earned working as a housemaid to buy passage to China. She headed off on her journey wearing two left shoes (all that she could afford) and survived the journey from England through Russia, Japan, and finally into China. Her story is one of putting her life at risk for others countless times. Not only did God use her to share stories about Jesus with travellers, escape Japanese invasion with more than 100 orphans over the mountains, and in calming a prison riot that even the guards couldn’t control, but she received favor from the Chinese government. Gladys became the official government “foot inspector” in stopping the practice of foot binding in China and becoming a national of the Republic of China herself.
When I look at Gladys’ life I see one of total surrender, incredible bravery, and of loving others above herself. Yet Gladys spoke of her own weakness and tendency to worry, and how her courage was borrowed from God and it was His peace that flooded her soul. One of my favorite quotes by her is this: "I wasn't God's first choice for what I've done in China...I don't know who it was...it must have been a man...a well-educated man. I don't know what happened. Perhaps he died. Perhaps he wasn't willing...and God looked down...and saw Gladys Aylward...and God said, 'Well, she's willing."
Gladys didn’t let the fact that others saw her as unqualified and unfit to deter her from doing what God had called her to do. She knew that in her weakness, God would be glorified. I often see myself shrinking back from doing things that other people are better at than me. I am sure it comes down to my own insecurities, I don’t want people to think less of me. Yet that is idolatry of the heart. Caring more about the opinions of others than of God’s opinion. Just this week my husband led worship at a small church plant in Madrid. It was just going to be him and his guitar. The day before the service he asked me if I would want to join in singing with him. Now, I have never considered myself a strong singer and I kept thinking about how there would be people in the audience that would be better vocalists than myself. But then I thought back to Gladys and the countless other believers that have been willing to do things outside of their comfort zones. I know that God has given us all a heart to worship Him and that through our worship His name will be exalted. Even though I was nervous leading up to service, when I got up on the stage, I felt like everything and everyone faded away and it was just me and God. The nerves were gone and I wasn’t thinking about what people could be thinking of me, I just wanted the Holy Spirit to have His way in the service and in the hearts of those present. I want to follow the example of Gladys and more than that, the example of Jesus. I no longer want to give in to the worldview that my comfort is the most important or that God will only use me in the ways that I am strong. Just like the well-known verse says: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor 12:9).